it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
