dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
