is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
