hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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