I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
