If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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