I think i peed on brittanys purse
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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