I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
