Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
