Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
