I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize