used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize