we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
