So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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