He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize