Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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