I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
