I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
