Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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