I cannot find my penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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