Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
