I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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