wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
