Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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