He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
