I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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