I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
50% drunk capacity currently
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
