my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
worst night to have a conscience
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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