I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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