they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
