About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize