i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
