when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
