she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
