you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
