god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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