just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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