we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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