Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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