Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
