yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
