I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
