Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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