When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
