And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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