Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
