I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
