Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am midnight drunk by noon
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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