we have officially lost it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
