Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
