sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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