Quick, to the slutcave!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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