he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
