I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
