Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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