She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
