Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
