He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
