can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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