i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
