Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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