i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
