It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize