her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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