So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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