Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize