What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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