If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
