They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
