May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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