im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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