I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
