Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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