I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
