I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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