He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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