And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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