The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
