Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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