in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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