I wish I only lived at night.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
