You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
True strength comes from lack of pants
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
