I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
